"How are you feeling out of 10 today?"
What one small question can reveal - and why it matters more than you think
At work, it is easy to dive straight in with the status updates and to-do’s without connecting first with the other individual. Or worse, we do the obligatory how-are-you-I’m-good-thanks exchange. Polite but not very meaningful.
That’s why I start every 1:1 with:
“How are you feeling out of 10 today?”
In a corporate context, it is common and expected to have a weekly 1:1 meetings with your direct reports. They can take various forms or structure, but my general ethos is that this allocated time is for them and their benefit (perhaps a topic for another time!).
This is why I like to start off with a pulse check, a vibe check, a check-in – to simply gauge how they’re feeling at the start of the meeting.
And asking this one small question is how I do it.
How I Approach It
I’d say something like:
“So, how are you feeling out of 10 today?
…Where 10 is thriving and you’re firing on all cylinders and 1 means you want to crawl into bed and be done”.
💭 Tip: Let them know this will be a regular part of your 1:1s—what might feel unusual at first becomes a trusted ritual over time.
After this - go in with follow up questions - it’s where the magic happens.
“OK, tell me… what is making your score a [repeat their number] out of 10?”
Followed by:
“And, what would make that [number] out of 10 go up (even) higher?”
💭 Tip: Your role at this point is to listen, not to be too quick to jump in with solutions.
Why It Works Over Time
By asking these questions, you can:
1. Assess their mood and energy quickly
With a single number each week, it will help you easily ascertain if the other person is flying high or running low. You may find each person’s scale to differ, meaning one person’s 8 could be someone else’s 7, but there is benefit of doing this consistently – you will learn what the number means for that person, relative to their usual baseline. Over time, you will come to understand what the number indicates for that person.
2. Gain insights about your team
Understanding the reason with the crucial follow-up questions can give genuine insights to what lights them up or weighing them down. It reveals how they think, feel and self-reflect on their situation. Over time, you might observe recurring patterns, which can help you see their pressure points or triggers, where they get satisfaction from or what motivates them. It can also lead to helpful coaching conversations.
3. Uncover any underlying tension or concern
Unknowingly, there could be something bubbling underneath the surface. With the crucial follow-up questions, it offers a gentle way to invite them to speak openly. You aren’t putting them on the spot or interrogating them – you are simply providing a safe space where they can self-reflect and share freely (if they choose to do so). It’s an invitation, not an imposition.
How This Makes You a Better Leader
When you ask the simple question, “How are you feeling out of 10?”, you're doing more than checking in— you’re creating space. You’re showing them that how they feel matters. Over time, that small moment signals care, builds psychological safety, and lays the foundation for trust, connection, and openness.
As you ask consistently, you’ll begin to spot patterns—what energises each person, what drains them, and what tends not to be said unless asked gently. These insights aren’t just helpful—they’re essential in how you adapt your leadership.
Because the better you know your people, the more intentionally you can lead them.
Extra Thoughts
This was originally inspired by a past senior leader who would do this pulse check with our leadership team as a group. We’d have to give our score out of 10 and say why to the group. I adapted this concept to use in my 1:1s with my own direct reports.
Consider how you might adapt my script using your own words to avoid this being a ‘performative’ leadership exercise. By having the same intention and approach with your own words, you can create an interaction that is authentically aligned to you.
What resonated most with you? How might you make space for this question or adapt in your own leadership practice?
If this post sparked a thought or reminded you of your own practice, please share in the comments - I’d love to hear from you.
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